The T-shirt Bash  (“The Monster Mash”)

I was grading papers late last night
When suddenly I had a terrible fright
For my t shirt from my closet materialized
And suddenly to my surprise

It made a splash
It did the t-shirt splash
The t-shirt splash
It was a Department smash
It did the splash
It did the t-shirt splash

From the 05 Building in the west
To Padre Sharp’s table of the truly blessed
The teachers all appeared in their purple guise
Really it was a sight for sore eyes.

They made a splash
They made a t-shirt splash
The t-shirt splash
It was a Department smash
They cut a dash
They did the t-shirt splash

Even the adjuncts were having fun;
Their chance to pay their dollars had just begun
The more people who are inspired to pay,
The more profitable we’ll make this THURSDAY!!!!!!!!

The scene was rockin’; all were digging the shirts,
As people rolled in, in jerks and in spurts.
The gradebook-bangers were about to arrive
With their vocal group, “The Run-On Five”

They played with dash
They raised some t-shirt cash
Lots of t-shirt cash
It was a Department smash
They played with dash
And you can add to the stash.

Out from her office
Miss Betty’s voice did ring
Seems she was troubled by just one thing
She opened the door and emerged quite hot,
She said, “I’ve just done next year’s scheduled; I need twelve new faculty slots.”

It's now the bash
It's now the t-shirt bash
The t-shirt splash
And it’s a Department smash
It's now the bash
It's caught on in a flash
The t-shirt splash
Don't miss it or your teeth you will gnash

Now everything’s cool in our merry little band
And our Department splash is the hit of the land
For you, my Cooleagues, who are really true blue,
When you go to pay Dawn, tell her Ruthie sent you.

Then you can splash
You can even be rash
It’s a Department smash
It’s all happening TOMORROW
I’m not talking trash
It’s time for t-shirt cash
For t-shirt cash

There is nothin’ like our T!

We got sunlight on the sand
We got fire lanes in the grass,
We got students who are failing
We got students who will pass, (my line, maybe not yours...)
We got monthly birthday parties
Even if time passing hurts!
What ain’t we got?
We ain’t got shirts!

We got little notes from Betty,
We got excuses from our kids
How they’ve tried to do their homework
But they somehow hit the skids.
We get essays straight from Google
We get dizzy from the smell!
What don’t we get?
You know darn well!

'Til now we had no way of all putting on a purple shirt for
Those days the Department’s been raising bucks for

There is nothin’ like our T,
Nothin’ in the world,
There is nothin’ you can see
That is anythin’ like our T!

We feel restless, we feel blue
We feel lonely and in grief,
We feel ev’ry kind of feelin’
But the feelin’ of relief.
We want to feel much better
If there was any way we could,
What don’t we feel?
We don’t feel good!

Lots of things in life are beautiful, but brother,
There is one particular thing that is nothin' whatsoever
In any way, shape or form like any other.

There is nothin’ like our T,
Nothin’ in the world,
There is nothin’ you can see
That is anythin’ like our T!

No one else from GCC,
No one' in the world
Is as good as us, you see,
In the classiness of our T!

There is absolutely nothin' like the plea of our T. (That was the super bass line, remember?)

So what if rhetoric rangin’
Is no longer what we do?
So what if the Department’s
Become a motley crew?
It's a waste of time to worry
Over things that we are not,
We're thankful for the things we’ve got!

There is nothin' you can see
That is anythin' like a T!
There are no books like our T,
And nothin' looks like our T.
There are no charms like our T,
There’s little harm in our T,
It's just a dollar for our T,
Save your clean collar with our T,
It’s the Friday for our T,
And it’s the last you’ll hear from me.

There ain't a thing that's wrong with any folks here
That can't be cured with a whisper in their ear
To wear a brand new purple get ‘em today from Dawn T!!!

All right, Miss Betty, I'm ready for my closeup...

Ruthie!