Ruth's Remarkable Parodies

More Ruth's Remarkable Parodies

Okay, Cooleagues,

I still seem to be in Country Western mode here, so you're goin to want to do a bit of moseying for this one. Get yourself ready by pouring a cup of coffee out of that old, battered pot sitting in the fire, mebbe take a chew and hunker down, ready to be transported, by the magic of song, to a mythical world we all once shared (or not, of course) ....

MarTy Pants

Out in the West Valley town of Old Glendale
I fell in love with a strange purple t
Fridays would find me in Carmie's Cantina
Music would play and a vision I'd see.

More purple than grapes were the threads of my t shirt,
Half finest cotton and half polyester;
My love was deep for this strange purple t shirt
I only hoped it would last the semester.

One day a wild former big guy rode in
Wild as the wild Preskitt wind,
Dashing and daring
No longer caring
But wearing a t shirt
As purple as mine.

So in envy I

Challenged his right to the proud purple t shirt;
Down went his hand for the cellphone he wore.
My challenge was answered in less than a minute
As Security loomed in the frame of the door.

Just for a moment I stood there in silence
Shocked by the swiftness of B’s text message,
Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there;
I had but one chance and that was to run.

Out through the NO EXIT of Dawn's door I scampered,
Out to where Ikon's buggy’s were parked.
I chose a white one;
It looked like it could run

Foot on the pedal
And away I did drive,

Just as fast as I

Could from the town of Old Glendale
Out to the bad-lands of Rio, you know.

Back in 05 my life will be worthless,
I can't write the wrongs I've written tonight
It's been so long, but my t shirt needs washing
So it's back to the cart in which I took flight.

I buckled my seat belt, away I did go.
Driving along 101.
Maybe tomorrow
A fragment may find me,
Tonight nothing's worse than this
Song hit and run.

At last here I

Am on the lawn of the college,
I can see Carmie's Buick right here.
My passion is strong and it pushes me onward
Into 05 to wash up; I cheer!

But off to my right I see five English teachers,
Off to my left ESL folks by the score;
Composing and singing, I can't let them catch me
I have to make it to Carmie's once more.

Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel
A deep burning shame in my rhyme.
Though I am trying
To stay in the meter,
I'm getting weary
It's past my bedtime.

But my love for

my t shirt is strong and I rise on my spondee
Though I am tired I can't stop this yet.
I see the red ink from the Bic pens around me
I feel the edits in letters scarlet

But I'm still wearing my t shirt with its bright golden crest,
Caressing my body of extra large size.
It's all for a good cause, indeed, it's the best cause,
Two little dollars, and cooleagues, good bye.

And that ain't no bull!

Ruthie!!!!!!