Misconceptions surround stories of life ‘Down Under’ Matt Batman Staff Reporter “So, what language do you speak in Australia?” This was a question asked to an Australian friend of mine who has just begun his freshman year at ASU. This made me realize that even with the help of advanced telecommunications, the Australian and American cultures are still worlds apart. Growing up in Australia it’s hard not to live a day without being influenced by some sort of American entertainment or political event. For instance, it’s not unusual to see Kramer burst through the doorway performing like a monkey trapped in a telephone booth in another Seinfeld episode, or seeing Brandon and Kelly break up again in Beverly Hills 90210. When going to the movies to see the latest flick, more often than not the movie was either made or set in America. Flashing across Australian television screens is the latest on the US deployment of troops to Iraq. And as if we haven’t heard enough, President Clinton’s relationship with Monica Lewinsky (and cigars) once again commands a time slot on the evening news. It seems the world is constantly made aware of what is happening in the United States, or anything related to the United States. But there is another world out there, full of suprises and experiences. Now, if you’re expecting this article to enlighten you on the current situation of the Kosovo peace talks, or East Timor’s pursuit for independence from Indonesia, you’re not going to find it here. This article is written by a “True Blue” Aussie, and will discuss what Aussies know best. And, no, this story is not about beer! I am going to try to expel some of the common myths and fallacies about Australia, and describe, in as little detail as possible, what some people consider our national language. Australian slang! We have to keep some things secret. With the influx of Australian film’s, from Paul Hogan in “Crocodile Dundee,” to “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert” and “Strictly Ballroom,” the American people have been exposed a little to Australian linguistics and the Australian culture. But do you really think Australia is what you see at the movies? The fact that Australian expatriates, like myself, don’t help the cause for Americans to take us seriously, is surely a part of our culture as much as driving on the left hand side of the road is. We are known to tell a few white lies here and there, but only in response to questions that we find inherently uneducated, obscure and downright ridiculous. These white lies are what we like to call “taking the piss” out of someone. In the United States this is also described as “pulling someone’s leg.” The following story happened to another close friend of mine, and is a good example of an Aussie “taking the piss” out of a rather out of sorts American. This friend of mine was talking to a cowboy somewhere in south east Arizona late last year and the cowboy asked quite seriously, “How long does it take to drive to Australia?” Keeping the Australian spirit alive, the rather dry response was “it depends if you take the freeway or the back road!” So to enlighten you, at the risk of losing my Australian passport forever, here are several myths that I would like to expel: We all don’t have blonde, hair, blue eyes and aren’t “six foot four and full of muscle.” We don’t use kangaroos as baby carriages. We don’t throw boomerangs with a message attached as a primitive version of e-mail. We don’t use Vegemite (a bread spread) as a degreaser we don’t go walkabout as a form of vacation. We don’t surf with Great White sharks for fun. We don’t have three months vacation, plus one month of sick days per year. We are not suckled on beer instead of milk. We don’t have a fetish for sheep (that’s New Zealanders). We don’t carry knives that could split a log in two. We all don’t wrestle with crocodiles as a test of manhood (unlike The Crocodile Hunter). We all don’t speak fluent Aboriginal. We do have electricity and plumbing. We do use cutlery (only if we are trying to impress a date). We are a sport loving, beer drinking (anything but Fosters) bunch of yobbo’s (a yobbo is defined as a loud drunk normally watching an Australian sporting event). When an Aussie is asked if they “want to go down the frog and toad for a cold tinnie, a dog’s eye and some dead horse” would know what you are talking about—the interpretation of this is “do you want to go down the road for a cold beer, a meat pie and tomato sauce (ketchup).” This leads me to another favorite past time of Australians, speaking in slang. Surely everyone has heard Mick Dundee say “G’day” once or twice. This is about as apparent as Australian slang gets. Spelled fully, this endearing term spells “Good day.” It’s as easy as saying, “Hi, how are you” or “What’s up.” Other simple, but common terms are: Arvo’—short for afternoon Fair dinkum’— are you being truthful or honest. “to get on like a house on fire”—to be extremely happy in someone’s company grog—alcohol jumper—sweater pissed— a state of drunkenness (be careful not to confuse this with the American meaning) mate—friend pash—to kiss enthusiastically piss-up—an affair where large quantities of alcohol is consumed bloke—male person a blue—a fight or argument esky—ice chest dunny—bathroom walloped—to get beat up Aussie—what Australians call themselves. Note pronunciation: ozzie, not ossy “on for young and old”—totally out of control (usually a fight or argument) “drinking with Pat Malone”—drinking alone “what’s the John Dory?”— what’s the story (what happened) Septic Tank —yank “dog and bone”—phone “ball and chain”—wife (can be used to mean husband too) porky pie—lie Captain Cook—look footy—what Australian’s call their version of football Obviously all of Australia’s culture is not represented by the above decree. We do have other things that we would also like to recognized for. But, you’ll have to find out for yourself because I’m no bloody travel agent. So, throw a few tinnie’s in the esky, get on the dog and bone to your mate’s to tell them there’s a good footy game on this arvo’. If your ball and chain asks what the John Dory is, tell her a porky pie about how good she Captain Cook’s and that you are going down to the pub for a drink with Pat Malone, to watch some Septic Tank get walloped by an Aussie in the blue of the year.